What am I gonna do with Myself?

I want a love that's meant for a movie. I've watched the cutest movies all day and I am longing for a romance. I want a boy to go out of their way for me, I want to be left speechless because of a boy. I want some grand gesture to be done for me. I want to be asked to prom by having someone being clever and doing something like decorating my car asking or mailing a letter with a ticket or having it announced over the radio. Just something big that I could tell kids. I want that so badly. I want to know that someone thinks I'm worth spending that much thought over. But instead I'm left waiting alone. And I can be alone, I don't need a boy to make me happy. I thought I did, but I've grown and I have gained confidence in myself. And I do not need a boy. I know the differences between needs and wants. And I'd rather have my needs fulfilled than my wants. But I want this. So badly. This is my senior year and I've been so busy with newvisions and school and church. And I've been hanging with friends. And trying to make the most out of my year. And I don't need a boy to make things better. But all I can think about is how I want one. Dumb romantic movies. They always put me in this mood. What sucks is I know I will never have that Nicholas Sparks love. I'll never have a love that's worth retelling. I bet I'll never even have a single night in my life worth retelling. I'm going to live a great and happy life but it won't be one that's for the books. And I know how unrealistic it is wanting a life that's so make believe but gosh, it's all I can think about today. I want to look perfect always, dress perfect, and just be perfect. People say it's bad trying to be perfect, but that's what I strive for in my life. If I strive towards perfection I figure I'll get pretty close. So if I strive for the perfect movie love then hopefully I'll get close to it. But when is this going to happen? Being alone sucks sometimes. And it's great others. I wish I was just always happy and content. I know my life is a lot better than most and complaining is probably a horrible thing to do. But I am a complainer. Mr. Holmberg could testify to the world that I am. Just because I complain doesn't mean that I am ungrateful for everything I have. It's just what I do when I'm bored or don't know what else to say. I like to talk, I'm not the best in quiet situations. Quiet often makes me feel awkward. Therefore I talk, and when I run out of stuff to say I complain about everything under the sun. Therefore I am complaining now that I don't have a boy. But if I had one I'd probably complain too.

What am I gonna do with myself?