Lies

It's pretty sad when I blog a lie. It's just lying to myself. No one really reads this I'm not that cool. Really I am not doing that good. I am lonely and don't know who to seek comfort with. My friends are all busy with their life and I feel like since I'm barely there at school I'm not as close. And with my church friends I just never see them but I know they'd help me if I asked. I guess I don't feel comfertable asking for help because I never see them and really what I need is mental help. I need someone to talk to that I don't feel like I'm being a bother to. There's one person I do enjoy talking to lately but I feel like it's just me talking it's always me bringing up the topic of conversation. Thus I feel like it's not a truely close friendship. I need someone who will talk to me when they have problems. No one comes to me anymore and so I feel like I'm not looked upon as a close friend by many people anymore. I miss that and I don't know how to get it back. I really want a break. I want time to do nothing and have no work lingering in my head. I need a complete relax time. Today I let myself watch a few hours of tv but the whole time I was planning my week and what I'm going to be doing and what work I have. I need a complete relaxation. I need a deep sleep too. I should go sleep now but I just couldn't stand myself that I lied to my blog. Basicly my journal. I know I'm not doing good in reality I'm surviving. I'm not getting a head or falling behind just plain old surviving. That's not good enough. How do I get out of this rut?