Cheer Up

I just spent about an hour typing up a blog about how I feel. How I feel nasty and gross and fat and ugly. But I am too insecure to post that up here. Even though I don't think anyone reads this but on the chance they do I don't want people knowing just how miserable I am. Especially because I feel that I fake it pretty well-I fake it that I have it all put together and that I know what I want to do with myself. I fake it that I have good self-confidence and that I like the way I look. But anyone who knows me knows that it's all a lie. They are just too nice and overlook how fake I act.

I have been pretty down all day- I weighed myself this morning. Bad decision number 1. Then I realized that I am crushing on this boy- who I really shouldn't. Bad decision number 2. After I told some people how I am crushing on someone. Bad decision number 3. I've been starving myself all day because I feel fat and so I am super grumpy. Bad decision number 4.

I have to go get ready for a Super Saturday dance. I wish I was more excited but I'm not. I know I'm gonna be upset at the end of the night when there's no cute boys asking me to dance- but really should I be shocked? It's not like there's any cute boys in the whole stake? I need to stop getting my hopes up for nothing. But also I have to wear plaid-and the only option I really have (for a plaid shirt) makes me look fat. My hair feels gross and I don't have much time to shower. I have no shoes to wear with my outfit. And did I mention that I look fat? Appearance really affects how I act and today my appearance kinda sucks.

I am just going to be the cheery-est person tonight dontcha think?

I really need to cheer up but I just don't know how. Well eating may help. And maybe if I get ready I'll feel a little better about myself. But my days already been sucky I can't really change it that much. I think I'm going to read my scriptures a little bit too that supposedly helps when you're in a bad mood. Never really helps me though, but it won't hurt will it? Well it's time to go cheer up!