Happy Halloween!

Halloween=FREE CANDY

Why anyone would ever choose to do anything other than trick or treat is beyond my thought process. It's FREE CANDY. and you get insane amounts. So the fun of halloween lasts longer than just one night. It is a very well thought of holiday. It is so fun to dress up and walk around with great friends and get candy. I'm happy now.

Now this is pretty cool :-D

RandomRambling

I was totally stressing out all day because I thought I had this long list of homework to do tonight. TURNS OUT I was wrong and had the wrong dates down in my book. I actually have hardly any homework tonight-besides studying for a really hard biology test tomorrow :/ -and so my day has turned out a bit better than I would think. I also went to the Feitsma's and helped him, I really love volluneteering there and helping him out. He is a funny, kind, and strong man. How he keeps such a positive attitude when he is in such horrible condition bewilders me. Whenver I leave there I am uplifted and have such a better mood. This week has been great, busy but great. I was in the Emergency Department for nv, and the nurse I was with let me do a lot. I love being in the hospital and helping. I really do love helping others when they are in need, that is why I want to be a doctor. I know I have the determination to do it and I will get to help people everyday. Being with patients and seeing how much they rely on their doctors to help them, it is truely amazing and I want people to rely on me in that way. Also as a lucky surprise I got to see an autopsy this week. HOLYCOW is that alot to take in, I learned so much from it and I have so much appreciation for my body. Everything is so complicated yet it all works perfectly together. Medicine and health are just so fasinating, this one little dose of a drug can cure a person! Insane. Amazing. I cannot wait till I am a doctor and perscribing different treatments to patients and helping them live healthy lives. Well its thursday, tomorrow is friday and I have TWO parties in one night. Yeah I am that cool. I will be dead tired from it all but I really need some catching up with friends, I miss them. I would never change being in nv but I don't like that I miss out on so much in school. There are alot of jokes I am not included in anymore-thats a bummer but nv is such a great opportunity. I am very grateful for getting in to this program. I bet I'll never forget some of the stuff I get to observe this year. I am going to go study now. JOY!#*

Lies

It's pretty sad when I blog a lie. It's just lying to myself. No one really reads this I'm not that cool. Really I am not doing that good. I am lonely and don't know who to seek comfort with. My friends are all busy with their life and I feel like since I'm barely there at school I'm not as close. And with my church friends I just never see them but I know they'd help me if I asked. I guess I don't feel comfertable asking for help because I never see them and really what I need is mental help. I need someone to talk to that I don't feel like I'm being a bother to. There's one person I do enjoy talking to lately but I feel like it's just me talking it's always me bringing up the topic of conversation. Thus I feel like it's not a truely close friendship. I need someone who will talk to me when they have problems. No one comes to me anymore and so I feel like I'm not looked upon as a close friend by many people anymore. I miss that and I don't know how to get it back. I really want a break. I want time to do nothing and have no work lingering in my head. I need a complete relax time. Today I let myself watch a few hours of tv but the whole time I was planning my week and what I'm going to be doing and what work I have. I need a complete relaxation. I need a deep sleep too. I should go sleep now but I just couldn't stand myself that I lied to my blog. Basicly my journal. I know I'm not doing good in reality I'm surviving. I'm not getting a head or falling behind just plain old surviving. That's not good enough. How do I get out of this rut?

This really says nothing

Things are going good. I am loving New Visions (rotations started today! so awesome) and my other classes are going pretty well I guess. Well I am dealing with them at least. I am handling all my friends well, no fights at least. I am helping out my family a lot. Things are going good right? Well WHY am I such a pessimist that I have to think something is going to go wrong soon? Brit is home for a while, which will be fun but also exhausting. I guess I don't have too much to say, but I miss writting here. I wish I had more time. I wish I had more thoughts. I need more sleep mostly, I am kind of not fully functioning because I am serverly lacking sleep. I never get enough and I always push myself to do more, but hey! I better get used to this because I am going to be pushing myself to become a doctor! That takes alot of self-motivation and determination-both of which I have a lot of luckily. Well I guess since I always complain about not having enough sleep I should just go to bed instead of writing something this pointless. GOODNIGHT

ugh.blah.ugh.

My period is super bad, my cough is getting worse, my allergies are acting up, my head is pounding, and my heart decides today to feel sad. You know those days when you feel like total crap and all you want is to cuddle with your blanket and sleep forever? Today is one of those days except my father has kept me from doing so all day. He has made me go off and do errands with him, he has made me make JB halloween costume, clean the house, and do a bunch of odd jobs. And I'm so tired and feel so sick I just do it because I don't have the energy to complain or fight. In fact I am so BLAH I am skipping the Trunk or Treat at church tonight I don't think I've skipped that ever. But I just need to lay down  and have alone time. Eat food and watch tv. I need to let myself feel like complete crap for an hour or two then  I'll move on and get better. I just need time.Give me some.

Madison Marie Ianuzi

I was six years old and I didn't understand, where was my sister? Why was my family so upset? Why is everyone crying? My father sat me down and told me, mom had given birth to a still-born, my sister, Madison Marie Ianuzi.

As a young child I realized tragedy struck my family; it was not until later I learned how Madison would affect my life. To deal with the loss, I studied the promises God has made about families. Through this I gained a strong testimony on families- I know families are forever and I will be with my sister again one day.

Fortunately, this loss has allowed me to cherish the siblings I have on earth- an older sister and younger brother, both of which have helped me to become a better sibling and well-rounded person. My sister and brother taught me to be loving, understanding, kind and patient with others. Even though we have minor arguments I am grateful for my siblings as they have helped me become who I am today.

While I gained much from this loss, I still look forward to the eternities when I'm able to be with my sister, Madison, once again.

Don't

Don't they realize I'd rather be sleeping than staying up late to do homework? I really would. But I can't sleep knowing I have work to do. I understand that I have been moody and that I really need to relax and sleep more but I can't. Not when I have homework and college aps and resumes and scholarship forms and volunteering to do. I know I am overloading myself a bit but there's nothing I could cut out. So all I ask is that you allow me to do the stuff I need to. Don't tell me to go to bed when I havnt finished my homework. Don't keep me out on a family night when I have hours of homework. I'm going to do my work then go to bed; I am not fooling around and doing anything extra. Also, it really bugs me when you say I need to cut back. Tell me what I could cut out-I'd like to know really.

Senior Kirtland Trip 2012

 a light shall break forth among them that sit in darkness, and it shall be the fullness of my gospel

The senior trip was amazing. I got so close to the girls but also became good friends with a few of the boys. There are so many wild stories I could tell but they would take years to explain. My favorite part of the trip was the School of the Prophets. That room is so powerful and the spirit is so strong. I pretty much bawled the whole time in there, Christ appeared in there that exact small little room. And I was in there. It was pretty amazing. I wish everyone could feel what I felt this weekend, I want everyone to share in the blessings of this gospel. The Kirtland Temple is such a beautiful place but they don't have the spirit there, and that is such a shame. The Community of Christ is so close to knowing the truth but yet they don't fully accept it. What a huge shame. The car ride was long and we got no sleep but we all got so much closer. We all felt the spirit together. Me, Andrea and Whitney got even closer on our way back from Elmira to Owego, I love those girls and I know they love me back, I think I'm going to really need their friendships this year. I can see my school friends all going their own way, we are all very busy and I think I just don't feel as connected anymore. I get so angry when they don't understand how great the gospel is. I wish they would take me more seriously when I tell them of the amazing truths of this gospel. The quote above was in the room where we had testimony meeting...so of course I read it like 50 billion times and memorized it. It's very true and it is very encouraging I feel. It gives me hope for the future and for whenever things get hard. I will never forget this weekend and the spirit I felt and I won't forget the great testimonies given by all of my friends. I love hearing friends testimonies because you know these people so well but yet you are always happily surprised when you hear how strong they are in the gospel. I love this church and I love how I will probably be friends with these people forever.

Here are some of the funny quotes from this weekend:

"you have eight pillows you can make a bed with that" Dalton


"mom I don't wanna die" -Cassie


"I am a camel" Whitney


"I know my sandwich tastes betta than this" Sister Dauphin


"da da da BOOM" Dalton
(talking about me running over kids)


"ruffagans" sister gifford


"sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite" "pop goes the weasel" sister giffords
"about how we all have dated and kissed him" Dalton


"ride you like a donkey" Dalton


"they made out and like grounded" Whitney


"brother brown is calling sister black!" -not sure

Here are some of the picture from this weekend:

1 day...I think

I think I got this count down thing wrong because it's tomorrow?? Does that still make is 1day??? I'm a smartie.

Well it's tomorrow and I wish I were more excited. But I feel really sick and tired and all I want to do it sleep. Car ride is going to be my sleep time. I need it to be. I'm so miserable right now I can't be like this all weekend. Why is nothing ever perfect? Why can't I just be freaking healthy and excited to go to kirtland?

2 days

It's Wednesday. And I feel like crap and I have a cough that sounds like I am dying. I just gotta get to Friday. FRIDAY everything will be better and I'll be happy and excited and things will be better. 2 days. I can do that. I know I can, even though at the time like during the day I feel like crap and want nothing more than to come home and sit and watch netflix for hours. Which I can't do because I have homework and church and family stuff galore. I hate being busy.

Actually that's a lie. I'd rather be busy than be bored, but sometimes I long for those days where I sit home the entire day in my sexy footy PJ's and watch TV and YouTube and by the end of the day I am happy with myself. I am happy because I have relaxed all day. I need those days but I don't see myself getting one for a while. This weekend even it won't  be relaxing, but it will be fun so I'm being positive. 2 days. I can do it. I think I can... I absolutely loved that book as a kid. The Little Engine That Could. I read that so much as a child, I partially blame that book for why I am so motivated in life. I don't feel that I am particularly intelligent but I am driven and self-motivated. I accept nothing but the best from myself and therefore I am able to achieve things that are beyond what I set my goals for.

Set the bar high

and you'll leap over it with plenty of space underneath.

3DAYS!!!

It is Tuesday but it feels like a monday. I wish it were Thursday. I know this week is going to drag on and that I'm going to be massivly busy. I just need to get to Friday and Friday will be fun. I think a count down is appropriate: 3 days!!!

I Love Sundays

Some may think it would be a pain to go to church for 3 hours, but I love it. I love being around everyone, and learning everything I can about the gospel. I love how I know so many people and how they all know me. And I love knowing that everyone there cares for me. I love going to church, it's impossible to be unhappy at church (well for me at least).

Today was fast Sunday-whoops kinda forgot. So unfortunately I did not fast, but I still tried to make the most out of the day. I love listening to every ones testimonies, it strengthens mine like nothing else. Feeling the spirit so strongly with a hundred other people is so great. I really love listening to the stories from the old people in the ward, they seriously tell the best stories I look forward to every single elderly person who goes up to bare their testimony. In Sunday school we started class by listening to Daughters by John Mayer-I love that song. Probably my favorite song because it is so true. If only all fathers, and mothers, would treat their daughters well I feel the world would be better. If all girls had a good childhood and were raised with standards everyone would be less likely to give into temptation-thus a better world. Do you get my thinking? Anyways, I got pulled out of class early to talk with the Bishop because it was time for my biannual meeting with him. I guess all youth are supposed to meet with him around their birthdays and their half birthdays. It was fun talking with the bishop and telling him about school and how great it's going. He seamed really interested and it made me feel good. Then in young women's, well that was fun! It always is, especially when Jackie teaches. She is so amazing and she manages to get a lesson in while we all have fun. We learned about the importance of repentance, how it is effects you, others, and Heavenly Father. I think I most often forget how my sins may affect others, I want to remember this more.

Sundays are such a great day- I love having a day that I am home. I get caught up on everything I want to do and need to do. All my family is home and resting and together. I love that Sunday is set apart from the rest of the week- as it should be. I feel bad for others who have Sunday blend in with the week. It would suck having a busy Sunday. To me, my whole life, Sunday has been my relaxing day. Yet another great teaching from the amazing truthful gospel of Christ.

Crush

"I feel horrible" says the young teenage girl "That's why they call it a crush- because you feel crushed when it doesn't work out" replies the wise father

I knew I shouldn't go there. I knew he was bad news. I knew he wouldn't "crush" back. Yet I crushed on. And got my hopes up for something, anything really to happen. Here I am disapointed.

Cheer Up

I just spent about an hour typing up a blog about how I feel. How I feel nasty and gross and fat and ugly. But I am too insecure to post that up here. Even though I don't think anyone reads this but on the chance they do I don't want people knowing just how miserable I am. Especially because I feel that I fake it pretty well-I fake it that I have it all put together and that I know what I want to do with myself. I fake it that I have good self-confidence and that I like the way I look. But anyone who knows me knows that it's all a lie. They are just too nice and overlook how fake I act.

I have been pretty down all day- I weighed myself this morning. Bad decision number 1. Then I realized that I am crushing on this boy- who I really shouldn't. Bad decision number 2. After I told some people how I am crushing on someone. Bad decision number 3. I've been starving myself all day because I feel fat and so I am super grumpy. Bad decision number 4.

I have to go get ready for a Super Saturday dance. I wish I was more excited but I'm not. I know I'm gonna be upset at the end of the night when there's no cute boys asking me to dance- but really should I be shocked? It's not like there's any cute boys in the whole stake? I need to stop getting my hopes up for nothing. But also I have to wear plaid-and the only option I really have (for a plaid shirt) makes me look fat. My hair feels gross and I don't have much time to shower. I have no shoes to wear with my outfit. And did I mention that I look fat? Appearance really affects how I act and today my appearance kinda sucks.

I am just going to be the cheery-est person tonight dontcha think?

I really need to cheer up but I just don't know how. Well eating may help. And maybe if I get ready I'll feel a little better about myself. But my days already been sucky I can't really change it that much. I think I'm going to read my scriptures a little bit too that supposedly helps when you're in a bad mood. Never really helps me though, but it won't hurt will it? Well it's time to go cheer up!

NewYorkCity

I wish I lived in newyorkcity.

Whenever I meet people when I'm out of town and I say I'm front New York they assume the city. The city would never get boring they're shops galore a dozen restaurants and clubs. I really want to live in a city but not as a parent I want to like on my own or with a friend. I think it'd be so cool to go to Columbia. That's my dream college but of course BYU is like my realistic dream.

I love the fast vibe of NYC and I love the fashion!!! Style is so distinct here in the city and I would love to be here. In plain old bingo the "fashion" consists of sweats-high rollers wear yoga's. Like that's the worst part I think-I cab deal with bad weather and boringness but I wish there was good clothes and fashion.

I want to makes style for myself. When I go to college I want to have a style and have people envy it. Is that mean? Is that a bad goal? To look so good people are jealous? Ha I'm vain. I bought a watch today in the city, I want to become one of "those" people who always wear a watch. I feel like successful people wear watches- and I want to be successful so that's a good strategy right?

I am wondering if people read this, I wish I didn't freak so much when my friends were. It's not like it's deep dark secrets on here. I kind of like to think there are random stalkers who read this and they strive to live like me.

Actually no I don't-that'd be mega sketch.

Baptism

Last night was Ashley's baptism she is such a great example. I can see she really believes in this gospel. At 15 I don't think I could make such a big choice as to get baptized in a different church than my parents. She must really believe and that makes me so happy. This proves to me once again that the church is true.
I know the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true and I am eternally grateful for being a member. It has made me who I am. I am a kinder and more accepting person because I have grown up in this church.

I know Christ died for me so that I could return to heaven. I believe in the atonement, I know Christ felt everything that I feel. This is an encouraging thought. It makes me feel less alone. I know Joseph smith was a prophet called of God. I know Joseph smith went into the sacred grove and prayed to Heavenly Father asking what church is true. And I know without a doubt that heavenly father and Christ appeared to him. I am grateful that Joseph smith was faithful and restored this gospel. I believe in the power of prayer. While I may not be the best at daily prayers I do believe in prayer. I know God listens to me every time I pray. And I know he will answer my prayers. I know the process of repentance is real and works. I know we can be clean again even if we mess up. I know how crucial repentance is on order to return to heaven and live in the celestial kingdom.
I know angels are real. I know my Madison is in heaven watching me everyday. I know she is with me every time I need her. I know families are forever and I am more thankful for this than anything in the world. I can't wait to live with Madison and be with her and be her older sister. I know the Holy Ghost is real and I am grateful to have it always with me. It is the comforter in my life. The Holy Ghost helps me be strong when I feel weak. I wish everyone could have the Holy Ghost with them because then everyone would have to believe in this gospel. I believe if you can feel the spirit then you can be shown the truth of this gospel.

I know this church is true and it makes me so proud to see others converting. I want to cry in joy over Ashley being baptised. She has changed her life for the better by accepting the gospel. I am thankful for Josh and how he was so willing to share the gospel. He wasn't scared to invite her to watch conference on T.V. with his family, and because he did so one year ago now Ashley is baptised. I want to  be more like that, I don't want to be scared to invite people. My goal is that I get each of my friends to church at some point, I really think they should come. I know some of my friends have felt the spirit when I have talked about the church (I talk about it enough!). I have bared my testimony of little things to them and I know they know that I believe in this church. I pray that before they die they each accept this gospel in their lives. I love this gospel and all its truthfulness that it shows to me. It answers all my questions in life.

Homecoming 2011

Well the makeups off my hair is unpinned and my dress is hung up.

It's crazy how fast I can go from looking like a princess to looking skummy.

Good memories and bad.

Homecoming 2011=complete.

I drove my truck in the parade and managed to not kill or hit anyone. Major feat? I think so. The game was cold and miserable and of course SV lost. Not really a shocker there. But the dance- that's the important part of homecoming weekend correct? Well getting ready was a pain and I felt like everything was going wrong. First I put too much bronzer on, then my mascara smudged across my face, then my hair fell out of its' pretty up-do. I started crying after that last one. Yet I finally made it to Morgans party. And once again I felt as ugly as can be. My friends all had gotten ready together and thus Sabrina worked magic and made everyone a model. And then there is me who had crappy fast make-up and hair that was just one big mess. And my dress was a little big so I looked fat.

Needless to say, my night did not start out great.

But my friends are always fun and I quickly cheered up, and we took tons of pictures and acted crazy. The dance was fun but my shoes killed me. But they were so pretty it didn't matter. (Silver Peep Toe)

There was of course drama-it wouldn't be homecoming without any. Some good came out of the drama though- I slapped the ever-annoying Darren Wheelock. The dirty lying cheating skum-bag fag himself. Quite proud of that, only wish that I had slapped harder. After the dance we went out to eat at Denny's. I got a meal that was way too huge yet of course I ate a majority of it. When I have food in front of me I'm going to eat it. Unforunately that would be why I weigh so much, OH the joys of being a teenage girl. I'm constantly worried about outward appearance and shallow things such as weight. Anyways, I had alot of fun with my friends at Denny's but we decided that we all wanted to go back to our own homes afterwards and not sleepover at Emilys'.

It was my last homecoming. This year is going to be filled with lasts, I just hope I make the best of each one of them.

Picture Time!



I swear I was just going like 5 mph.




I am an awsome driver.