Two Parties

Two parties. I'm really that cool. I get invited to TWO parties for New Years Eve. Which sucks high school butt. I can't choose!

MORMON PRO

• It would be all morally good 
• Misa is there

MORMON CON

• School friends would get mad at me
• NOT a sleepover so I would need to drive myself
• Marshall would be there

FRIENDs PRO

• Sleepover
• ALL my school friends going
• Dress up

FRIENDs CON

• I wouldn't see Misa before she left for Utah

So listed like this obviously the friend party wins right??? Well this Misa thing really means alot! I miss her SOO much when she's gone. UGH. I wish I wasn't so popular ;) jkjk This list thing really didn't help. I'm still at a loss of what to do!

Sexyyyyy

Ive had this picture in my iPod forever. And I still find him 100% attractive. I want him to be my Mormon doctor husband. ;)

Cruise Control

I was talking to a friend and they said their living life in cruise control. Their just letting things go and not caring. In the big picture of life what they do (or don't do) this year won't make a huge difference. But I don't think he realizes we are supposed to live in the now. Live each day like it's your last. Cherish every moment we are given on earth. Learn new things every day. If we think too far into the future we will never really get there. If you are always planning for next year then you miss this year.

I understand where he comes from but I still am angered by it. I am a total planner but I still want to enjoy now. I want to make mistakes and learn from them. I want to try new things. I want to make this a memorable year. I don't think my truck even has cruise control- if it does I've never used it nor will I ever. I'm gonna be in control of where I'm going and go as fast or slow as I want. I think we were placed on earth to learn and be tested. If you go through on cruise control how do you learn? If you don't learn you can't be tested.

I understand he may have been exagerating in fact I know he was. But to even think that it's an option to just live life like that. If you life life on cruise control what are you doing? Wasting each day that you could have done something great. You could have taught someone or you could have learned. I love living life and learning. I look forward to the future and learning new things and meeting new people but I'm also living now. I work to improve the relationships I have now. I work hard to learn everything I can from school and church. I'm not wasting any day from my life. This life is a gift and I cherish all my gifts. Just like I cherish all my Christmas presents I cherish my life. I'm not gonna use cruise control to get through life.

:D 12/24

It's Christmas Eve. Santa is coming tonight. I'm so excited. That's all.

Music

Certain songs always remind me of stuff. There's 3 or 4 songs that make me think of Harry Potter because I listened to them while reading. The song Next To You makes me think of blogging because I made my blog listening to that song. I have songs for basically every vacation. I islove how music brings up memories or things I love.

It's starting to feel like Christmas

When you receive a present are you thankful for the gift or for the fact someone thought of you?
My mom gives me a gift for each of the 25 days of Christmas. To be honest for most of the things I couldn't care less. But I love each gift and am excited the next day to get one more because I love knowing my mom cared about me enough to find me presents for everyday. It's not about the gift it's about the thought that went into it. While I did ask for many things this year and yes I am excited for the actual gifts I also love knowing my mom wanted to get them for me. I came home today to her telling me how she bought me more stuff I didn't ask for. She was all excited. I love that- I love how she gets so excited for Christmas not so she can get gifts but so she can see me and my brother be so excited with the gifts. She loves spending her time planning for the perfect Christmas so we are happy. It's so selfless. It's such a mom thing. I hope I'm like her and I get excited for Christmas when I'm old just so I can see my kids excited.
Also though Christmas is more than gifts. I hope people in the world remember that. It's about the greatest gift ever given to the world : Christ. I'm grateful for the thought that went into this plan but also for the gift Christ gave us. The atonement is so wonderful and I don't know where I'd be without it. I can't wait till Christmas :)

CRASH.

I don't know what happened. All the sudden I feel myself swerving across the road. I checked my rear view mirror and made sure no cars were coming and I fixed myself and was going straight again. Then CRASH. I hit the guard rail. And I feel myself swerving across the road again. And I see a driveway and I aim there. I stop there. And I sit. Like did this really just happen? Did I really just hit the rail? Is my truck okay? But I was going slow and I wasn't texting and the radio wasn't even on. How did this happen.I've sat home all day and I know the only issue was the roads weren't clear enough for me to be going 40. And any given day 40 is slow. The speed limit is 45. But this morning 40 wasn't slow enough. And that is my fault. This is all my fault. And I can't fix it. I can't offer to help pay to fix it because I have no money really. There's nothing for me to do now. And I hate being useless. I'm scared to drive tomorrow. I know it was just one of those things that rarely happen but I'm still scared. And I guess I don't have to. Everyone would understand and give me rides for the next few days. But if I wait I'm just gonna get more scared. I'm scared.

I want a boy. I want lots of boys. I want to have fun and like one boy this week and another next week. I want flirting and fun and casual. And all I have it a fantasy crush with a hott attractive boy and a dumb crush on my best guy friend. A hott boy who has hardly said 50 words to me all school year. A guy friend who has flat out said he does not feel that way towards me nor will he ever. Like I am attractive right? I do consider myself pretty and smart and I think I'm easy to talk to. How come no one likes me?????? I put myself out there and I'll basically like anyone who gives me the time of day. I'm pretty easy-so come to me. Like me. ME. But really I don't want one boy. I want crushes and fun dates and easy. But that doesn't exist now does it. Nope. Blahhh. I've done nothing but sit around today and sulk and watch Grey's anatomy. And I've thought about how much I want a boy to like me and compliment me. And I realize this is completely shallow but it's easy. I need easy. Simple. Why does everything with me have to be complicated?